New Year, New Goals

As the calendar turns to a new year, many of us are filled with a renewed sense of hope and motivation to make positive changes in our lives. Whether it’s eating healthier, exercising more, learning a new skill or focusing on personal growth, setting goals can give us direction and purpose. But how can we make sure those goals stick beyond January? The key lies in creating realistic goals for your life.

Arianne Relliford, administrator of behavioral health at Boundless, said the first step is to be kind to yourself. No matter how big or small a goal is, Relliford stressed that, “Every experience is an experience forward and towards that goal.” 

Relliford urged people setting goals and resolutions this year to break it up into manageable pieces. “In the beginning, it’s most important to set a daily goal, like I’m going to do this for X amount of days. For me, magic numbers are 14 and 21 days. You don’t want to set the goal for too long, that’s not realistic.” 

Relliford also pointed out that a goal of 14 to 21 days is also short enough to visually track on a calendar or in a planner, which can be very helpful, as well. Whatever visuals or reminders help you with other things should also be used when setting goals. She explained, “Are you a Post-Its person? Do you need to see it that way? Are you a tracker in a planner? Do you need to have it in your phone app or in a calendar book?”

Many have heard of the SMART technique for goal setting, but Relliford said not so fast. SMART, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound, can be a great technique for clinicians to help their clients, but for many people, it’s not “health literate,” said Relliford. It doesn’t take your life into account.

Relliford said being realistic about your life and your capacity is also a huge part of being successful in your goals. Specifically, she mentioned spoon theory, or the idea that you only have a finite amount of motivation every day and that necessary tasks often take up much of that motivation. Each activity or task in a day requires a “spoon,” and when spoons run out, you must rest or recover to replenish them. And while it’s most often talked about in terms of disability, Relliford believes that it is relevant to everyone regardless of disability status. If someone is already using all their “spoons” every day, it’s possible that it’s just not the right time for them to set a new goal. Being realistic about your capabilities is important.

A common goal for those with intellectual or developmental disabilities (I/DD) is to make friends, according to Relliford. However, that goal is big and abstract and doesn’t provide a framework for success. Relliford first urges clients to be realistic about what they can do. For example, if her client is dependent on someone else for transportation, going somewhere new every day to meet new people may not be realistic. Then, she helps them add instruction into their objectives. For some, this could mean instead of going somewhere new, try to say hi to someone new at work or in their day program for 14 days. The more specific and realistic, the more likely you are to succeed.

Goals can be especially hard for individuals with I/DD. Relliford said, “Hyperfocusing on specials interests makes it really difficult to think about anything else. We have some really concrete thinking, so exploring that well, what would you do? or even what have you tried in the past? can be really difficult.” She suggested turning questions into a simple command for those who don’t respond well to questions—tell me what you’ve tried instead of what have you tried? “A lot of my clients have an unwillingness for new things in general,” Relliford said, so changing behaviors is especially difficult. However, that just means they might need extra support in their goals or to break their goals down into smaller pieces. Relliford also pointed out that parents of kids with I/DD may also have to change their own behavior in order to support their kids’ goals.

Remember, change takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process.

“Be honest with yourself about what has worked for you in the past,” Relliford urged. “Be kind to yourself. A failure is not a failure in itself; a failure is an attempt towards success. Don’t be mad at yourself if you fail. There are very few people who could just do 100 pushups having never done a pushup before, but if you do one today, two tomorrow, three the next day, that is work towards 100 pushups.”