Love in Action: Trauma-Responsive Support and the Power of Being Seen

While Valentine’s Day is often associated with romance, grand gestures, rose petals, special weekends away, or boxes of chocolates, its origins suggest a broader and deeper meaning. Historically, the day was tied to compassion, care, protection, and solidarity. It was a celebration of love in action. More than a feeling, love is the willingness to show up for others, especially when it is neither easy nor convenient. 

For many individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities (I/DD), love is not expressed through or measured in grand gestures. It is felt in moments of safety, in support that honors their lived experiences, and in relationships where they are truly seen. On a day devoted to love, it is worth expanding the conversation beyond romance to include our connections with others and with ourselves. 

For individuals with I/DD, feeling loved often means feeling safe in their own bodies, having their needs respected, and being supported in ways that acknowledge past experiences and a broader context. Choosing trauma-responsive care, care that understands behavior as communication and recognizes that healing begins with trust, is a meaningful expression of love for yourself or someone you support. 

Self-love and self-care are often misunderstood as having to manage everything on one’s own. But sometimes, accepting support is the greatest act of self-love. As Boundless Behavioral Health Therapist Shelley Lagano explains, “self-love could mean different things for different folks,” but at its core, “self-love looks like loving yourself for who you are, despite any growing pains you may have.” For individuals with I/DD, especially during these growing pains, accessing environments and care that promote safety, dignity, consent, and a whole-person perspective is essential to fostering independence and well-being. 

To truly understand why certain kinds of care matter so deeply, we must understand the role trauma can play in a person’s life.  

Trauma can come from many sources. Lagano shared, “Trauma can mean various things for people. In my experience, trauma is defined as something traumatic to them, not necessarily traumatic to someone else. For example, trauma can mean someone's phone being taken away from them when this may be the only thing that connects them to their friend group. Trauma can also mean they have been through a situation that causes them severe stress and inhibits their normal level of functioning.” Some less commonly voiced catalysts that specifically impact individuals with I/DD include medical interventions, loss of choice or voice, repeated misunderstandings and bullying, exclusion, or instability. Responses to trauma are also not always loud or even visible. For individuals with limited communication, trauma often speaks through behavior. Lagano explained, “Some ways this shows up are sleeping for more hours than usual, physical aggression, eloping, spitting, eating issues, as well as isolation, to name a few.” These behaviors may appear to be overreactions when, more accurately, they may be protective responses shaped by past experiences.  

This is where trauma-responsive care transforms from a clinical approach to an act of love. Trauma-responsive care assumes there is a story behind every behavior. It prioritizes emotional and physical safety by building trust before asking an individual to change. Lagano elaborates, “When we educate ourselves on underlying experiences, we are better prepared to establish safety and trust, which is the forefront to allow those who go through trauma to connect with someone in a way they feel validated and supported.” In practice, this may look like creating predictable routines to reduce anxiety, offering choices instead of demands, responding with curiosity instead of consequence, and thoughtfully adjusting environments to reduce triggers. In Lagano’s words, “Using a trauma responsive approach can be as simple as being with that person by actively listening and allowing the space to be, whatever that may look like.” When care shifts in this way, its impact is felt not only clinically but emotionally.  

Choosing trauma-responsive care is choosing compassion over convenience. It allows individuals to feel safe in their bodies, build trust in others, and rest in the reassurance of consistency and respect. Lagano describes the impact of trauma-responsive care, saying, “When an individual feels emotionally safe, it is the hope that they will feel empowered to take on difficult parts of themselves to start the healing process they may not have been able to previously. This gives them the freedom to explore great things courageously.” She elaborates, “An example of change that occurs when someone is understood by their support team might be going back to school to achieve a degree or simply going outside for the first time in a while, when this has been an ongoing fear. It may be recommitting themselves to their wife after multiple affairs. Trauma-responsive care can be a form of self-advocacy and self-respect as clinicians focus on each individual's strength as well as the family and friends giving them the strength to fly and move mountains.” For families, this love in action can feel like a breath of fresh air, releasing the weight of trying to walk alone. Love is not only affection; it is the protection of an individual as a whole person. Trauma-responsive care is love expressed through patience, understanding, and long-term commitment. At Boundless, this understanding of love is built into how care is provided every day.  

Boundless offers person-centered, whole-person care that is rooted in building trust and relationships. Our staff collaborate across clinical teams, direct support professionals, and with individuals and their families. The goal is not to respond to behaviors, but to understand them. Care is adapted to each individual, not the other way around, because safety and dignity are foundational, not optional. 

In Lagano’s experience, “Simple ways responsive care shows up in daily support are sharing a snack together without anything being expected. Showing up consistently and maintaining that bond, this is where safety and trust are built.” Trauma-responsive care can change outcomes in an individual’s life. Lagano shared an example of someone who, through the bond established with their care team, began to “feel safe enough to move through grief and open their heart to love again after the death of their spouse and multiple miscarriages found them in a deep depression.” She continued, “The way that Boundless stands out with their trauma responsive approach is the holistic way they see the individual for who they are, their abilities, and strengths and how capable the individual is that they serve. They are seen and valued. They matter.”  

Valentine’s Day may serve as a reminder, but love through care is daily work. Choosing trauma-responsive support is an enduring commitment. It is a commitment to self-love, to dignity, and to truly loving others. In Lagano’s words, “It matters because it helps the individual know that there is someone who truly cares, and they can begin to take that first step in the process of change or that giant step needed to do something they never thought they could. Both can lead to aspiring to keep growing and striving, moving into the future.”  

To learn more about Boundless’ trauma-responsive approach and how to get connected with a care team, visit iamboundless.org.